In China, you can buy about anything at the corner store
except for a newspaper. For that, you’ll go to the nearest bus stop, where they
have bulletins boards posting the daily news. Many of the old timers ponder to read the paper
from one side of the board to the other. Since my Chinese reading skills rate
up there with my brain surgery expertise, I often just fantasize what the
articles are about. Are they reading breaking
news headlines about Angelina and Brad’s wedding plans? Or, are they catching
up on the latest advice from Miss Manners?
Here are a few questions you might find in her column:
Dear Miss Manners, a man riding a motorcycle in his pajamas
cut me off on the sidewalk today. What do I say to him (er uh, about his
driving, not his fashion faux pas)?
Dear Miss Manners: There was a woman standing next to me on the
bus carrying a bucket of live fish. The bus suddenly stopped to avoid hitting an
oxcart, causing water to splash all over my bootleg Nikes. Was I wrong to get
upset?
Dear Miss Manners: A neighborhood toddler keeps on taking a
dump in our garden. I’m furious but our rose bushes seem happy. What do I do?
Dear Miss Manners: What is the correct way to eat pig face
in public? Can I use my fingers? What do I do with the hairs?
Dear Miss Manners: My
husband’s boss is having a dinner party. His wife is serving rat. We are not rodent-atarians. What is the correct way
to handle this?
Dear Miss Manners. A friend just bought a new car. The decal
is upside down. How do you tell him in a polite way it looks stupid?
Dear Miss Manners,
My neighbor recently started parking his horse in my spot.
Should I leave a note on its mane?
If there is a Chinese Miss Manners, I’d love to read her
column. Just don’t go to the corner store for the paper, just to use her orange bat phone to make important calls.