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In China, there is never a shortage of three things: rice,
people, and gross.
While I no longer flinch when I see half a Bambi in a Basket, there are a few things that still get under my skin. Here are this week’s
contenders in the gross category:
#1. Irremovable Bird
Turd
This lovely bird plop has been obstructing our bedroom view
for a few weeks. Nothing, not even torrential rain of Kunming has experienced during
September, has been able to clean it off. We think it’s the organic equivalent
of Gorilla Glue, probably the same stuff used to hold together the Great Wall.
To make things worse, this IRT is in an impossible to reach
place, just like an itch in the middle of your back. Jeff can’t reach it from an inside window,
unless he pulled a Tom Cruise and dared to dangle on the outside of the window,
far above ground, but with one main difference. Jeff doesn’t have a stunt
double. So we wake up every morning, our view of the day tainted by turd.
#2. Edible Bee Larva
You can get it in the hive of wiggling in a take out
container. I’m sure once they are stir-fried, they taste just like chicken. It’s
in season now, but just for a short time. I think I’ll stick to Bit-O-Honey.
#3. Forgotten Lunch
But this week, the king of gross goes to these unidentified
remains which were found in a student’s
locker right outside of my classroom. Since the hallways are outside, it took a
while to locate the source of the souring odor. The student had not opened his
locker for five weeks and I got the privilege to assist him, without a hazmat
suit. Inside, we found the oozing remains of five lunches and one overdue
library book . The smell was so beyond foul (even on China’s standards), the
containers had to be disposed of off of the school property. Who knows, the Tupperware probably contained molding bug larva burritos and a deer sandwich.
Now it’s your turn to vote. Which do you think is the
grossest?