There is a saying in China that you are only one parasite
away from your ideal body weight. Yes, eating the food here can do what Weight
Watchers can’t, help you lose ten pounds fast. Jeff has a small parasite living
in his stomach, which he has affectionately names Philip. Phillip was hopefully
flushed away last week.
But these bugs don’t come from freshly skinned frog legs or
pig parts on a stick. They usually originate
from snotty nosed little six year olds.
We both were in bed last week with First-grade-arrhea, something
Jeff picked up while subbing for an elementary teacher.
We were retching out guts out, wishing we were never born, our
mattress looking like a raft surrounded by a sea of empty Gatorade bottles.
Finally, when we got over this pesty little virus, we decided to
reward ourselves with a foot massage.
The shop owner’s four year old son was there that day,
playing outside with the ultimate low-tech toy, a balloon. We smiled as he bounced it on the ground and chased it around in circles with a swarm
of other kids. Then for whatever reason, the little boy stopped playing with
the balloon and started licking it, his wet spit making the red latex look new.
When the father saw what he was doing, the
boy got spanked then retreated shamefully into a corner. I gave the boy a new
pencil, hoping it would bring his smile back, crossing my fingers he wouldn’t
start licking it or crunching on the lead.
Jeff and I are convinced that this little boy will never get
sick. He will develop some kind of super immunity, the Red Balloon Syndrome,
and outlive bacteria and E coli that will take civilization down.
But we wonder, is there a five second rule in China? If you drop
street food on the sidewalk, a dumpling on your floor, or a balloon on the
street, are you allowed to eat—or lick–
it?
It might not kill you, but actually give you immunity to the
bugs that will someday wipe out the wimpy rest of us.
August 28th, 2012 at 5:26 pm Having had a mother who was somewhat of a germophobe in the kitchen, I did not hear about the 5 second rule until I was about 30 years old and visiting someone else’s house. I was a little mortified to see someone use the 5 second rule after dropping some food on the floor that was to be part of our lunch. I don’t think there should be a 5 second rule here or in China! Hope Phillip is gone and that you both stay healthy!