americantakeout
tasty bytes from China
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10/29/12
táng 糖
Filed under: General
Posted by: @ 2:56 pm

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While Snickers, Dove bars and Skittles have found their way into
the Great Vending Machine of China, most other American candies are as
impossible to find here as size nine women’s shoes.

And candy is called tang?

Yes, tang?

The “a” has a fourth tone, going up like a question.

That’s because most of the candy is questionable.

Take for instance, the Chinese favorite, monkey milk taffy.

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Yes, it lives up to its name, having the same revolting aftertaste as
a curdling gallon past its expiration date.

Then there are dried candy plums which resemble shriveled
body parts plucked from a prehistoric man.  

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No thank you.

Equally as tempting are Chinese street confections. You can
find candied apples and handmade sticky-sweet zodiac characters, guaranteed to
pull out dental work.

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Keep in mind, I am someone who finagled free passes to the
international Candy convention in Chicago, where the McCormick Center was transformed into a real life Candyland game. 

Now I am dependent on a  lactating primate to get my sugar buzz?

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I don’t think so.

So in my WIRED class (writing for the internet and
electronic devices), I had students write letters to CEOs of various confection
companies, pleading with them to sell their product in the country with over a
billion tongues or ten thousand billion deprived taste buds.

Great idea.

That’s because my students, all born After Google (AG), none who ever knew life
before Al Gore invented the internet, who can’t believe that cell phones
were once used only for talking,  were
able to access emails on the website that top hackers couldn’t  find, like that of the CEO
to Pepsi International and the top banana at Hershey’s.

And for some reason, I was amazed.

I had an email connection as well, a former advertising
colleague who worked on Wheaties. He has moved up the marketing food chain to a
more palatable product.

Chocolate.

I’ll just call him. Deep Wonka.

Students wrote him letters which they checked more carefully than
college applications.

Deep Wonka not only responded, but sent a parcel of American candy
to China.I tipped him off to send it via regular US Postal System. It’s less likely to get caught in customs indefinitely as a FED EX package would be.

The box was more valuable than the Lost Ark.

The booty included chewy Sweet Tarts, Nerds Rope and other outrageous
edibles.

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It was the talk of the school.

The funny thing was, once the teens ripped the package open,
they were more excited about recoding the moment than devouring its contents.

Blurred

After all, it was wired class.

Thank you Deep Wonka!

                               

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