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07/30/13
Couch Crashers
Filed under: General, Culture
Posted by: @ 8:49 am

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So, Jeff and I are still crashing on the couches of friends and loved ones across the United States, displacing their pets and uncovering long lost TV remotes between the cushions. For a while, I was on the sectional in Lincoln Park.  Next, I moved onto a Chippendale camel back in the burbs. 
My hosts even placed a small tin of chocolates on the needle point pillow.
Anyway, their eighty pound German Shepherd didn’t like where I was sleeping. Along with whining, he dug through my luggage and sniffed out the tin of Trader Joe’s chocolate covered espresso beans.
The omnivore  gulped down the beans, which are toxic to a canine’s system.
Now somebody needs to explain to me how a creature that can eat poop, fish bones, dirt, and kibbles made out of ground chicken parts can get deadly ill from a small tin of free-trade chocolate covered beans?
Anyway, after discovering the unplanned binge, we had to act fast.
My host called the equivalent to K9-911 and found a quick cure. We had to get her eighty pound pooch to consume hydrogen peroxide, which would make him urp up the chocolate beans.
So with a stick wedged between her dog’s back jaws, a cup of hydrogen peroxide was splashed down its throat, which was er uh, about a cup and a half too much.
Within moments, the German Shepherd hacked a blend of mocha foam and white swirls all over their manicured lawn. I mean, who wouldn’t? If you think of the havoc hydrogen peroxide does to your hair, just imagine what it does to your innards. While the quick action saved the pooch, the hair coloring irritated his lungs.
He still had to go to doggie hospital for an night of observation.
The German Shepherd  is now back home sleeping on his couch  and I’ve moved onto the loveseat of my brother in-law in Southern California.
While my couch crashing was free to me, it ended up costing my hosts a pretty penny in vet fees.
So remember, don’t leave chocolates on the pillow of your guests.

One Response to “Couch Crashers”

  1. fran Says:
    Oh no, so sorry.

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