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tasty bytes from China
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05/21/11
Squint
Filed under: General
Posted by: @ 4:41 pm

P1300001

Kunming, China, has its own charm, but in some ways, it reminds me of my old stomping grounds in Chicago. All it takes is a little imagination.

For instance, getting to my yoga class. I take a bus a to Qingnian Lu. Sycamore and pine trees line this busy street along with major hotels. There’s also overpriced shops such as Nike and Hermes. You hear cars honking, traffic guards whistling and bus breaks squeaking, all trying to avoid hitting pedestrians texting.

But if I squint, hold my nose, and walk briskly, it reminds me of strolling down Michigan Avenue after work.

That is, until I catch out of the corner of my eye the toddler taking a dump in the gutter.

At the end of Qingnian Lu, there is a big department store called the Golden Eagle. It is five floors of hoity toity merchandise at American prices. The first floor, like department stores everywhere, is swarming with ambitious sales ladies squirting bottles of the latest smell.

Now if I squint and don’t hold my nose, it reminds me of Nordstrom’s at Northbridge.

That is, until one of the Chinese sales women says to me, “Good Morning!” at 4 clock in the afternoon.

Then there are cabs. Cabs in China are aqua blue VWs, with a red light in their window when they’re available for hire. Cabbies cut out the seat belts then drape beads and sheets over the vinyl cushions. Then there’s this metal gate that separates you from the driver. Many cabbies think traffic lights are optional and don’t understand what lane lines are for. Luckily, I can now speak Cab Driverese: I can direct a taxi to our xiaoqu and squabble over the fare if needed.

Now if I get into a cab, squint and say my prayers, it reminds me of taking a taxi from Union Station to 3550 LSD.

That is, until we’re cut off by a family of five on an electric bike.

Then there’s this fermented fish head appetizer in our fridge, a gift from a Korean friend who is a former five star chef. It’s a golden crunchy sweet mixture of dried fish parts, walnuts and what not.

I was told that if I squint, eat it with my hands instead of chop sticks, it’s pretty close to the taste sensation of Kellogg’s Nut ‘n Honey cereal.

That is, until I remember cornflakes don’t have bones.

Finally, there’s the infamous public squatty. Every street has public squatties , costing you five Mao a squirt. That’s 6.5 cents, not including the paperwork.

If I squint, hold my nose, ignore the “No pooping or 5O RMB fine” sign on the door, and aim with precision, it reminds me of a Porta-potty at the Taste of Chicago, one that has been tipped over a few times, puked in and swarming with flies.

That is, until I notice there’s no toilet seat, just a porcelain hole with two little ledges for my feet.

Yes, a little imagination goes a long way in China. I’ll be back in Chicago this summer. So when I miss Kunming, I can go to these places and feel at home.

4 Responses to “Squint”

  1. Judith Mara Says:
    May 21st, 2011 at 8:55 pm Ginger, I so love your posts! I look forward to them. Hope to see you at Green City Market when you are back in Chicago! We have 2 port-O-potties waiting for you and Jeff. Are you moving back or just visiting? Hope to see you! Judith
  2. Anonymous Says:
    May 21st, 2011 at 10:17 pm you are funny
  3. Anonymous Says:
    May 24th, 2011 at 3:48 pm Judith, we hope to make it to the Green Market!
  4. Karen McCants Says:
    May 28th, 2011 at 8:21 pm Ahh this is the Ginger I l know and love. Have a great birthday my friend and look forward to you and Jeff coming to visit us in KL.

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