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01/21/12
Verbal Fireworks
Filed under: General
Posted by: @ 6:25 pm

 


PC080024


It’s Chun Jie in China, a two week new
year celebration where the entire country ignites
 firecrackers, bottle rockets and pyrotechnics
around the clock,  leaving car alarms chirping
and dogs whimpering.


But the fireworks that occurred
yesterday didn’t happen in the sky. They were at the 137 bus stop.


Rewind before the explosive expletives
filled the air. I was waiting for the 137 on my way home from Kunming’s new
Carrefour, a French grocery chain where you can find Proctor and Gamble items, Oreo
cookies and chicken feet.


 As I was waiting for the bus, a normal looking
Chinese leady started making conversation. By normal I mean, she wasn’t wearing
a Nordic Sweater with leopard tights and thigh high leather boots.


She was probably in her
sixties. I was delighted. It was my chance to practice my Chinese.


She asked me a few
questions:


“War Mar ma?” (Translation:
Did you shop at Wal-mart?)


“Mayo, Jolly-foo.” I
replied. (I shopped at Carrefour)


“Ni sure May Groy Ren?”  (Are you American?)


“ Doi. Wo sure Jew Chi Aw Ga.”
(I’m from Chicago)


“Ni sure lousher?” (Are you
a teacher?)


 “Doi, wo sure  lousher.” 
Lousher, the word for teacher, is one of the few I understand.


We laughed and waited for the
137 mini bus. When our charriot arrived, we were the first in line.


But in typical Chinese fashion,
an elderly Chinese woman holding a toddler pushed her way in front of us,
getting first divs on the one remaining seat.


No big deal to me.


But the lady I had
befriended?

Let the fireworks begin.


Once we were all crammed
onto the bus, she started yelling at the lady with the toddler.


It turned into a Chinese cat
fight.


They were spitting venomous
curses in Chinese, which I quickly learned,


“BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO!”  Translation: You Stupid Inbred Stack of Meat!
and “Shiong mao niao” You!”  You  Motherless Goats of All Motherless Goats!

Only
to be followed by
 Gao yang jong duh goo yang!”, You
Explosive Diarrhea of an Elephant!


I wanted Captain Kirk to
beam me up and out of there, because the fight was about taking cuts in front
of the May Groy Ren Lousher, aka, me.


Everyone tried to stop them.
Then, the normal lady took up her hand to slap the lady who took cuts.


Other passengers intervened.


She put down her fist only
to remove her shoe.


The five minute bus trip
seemed to be as long as the flight from Kunming to Los Angeles.


We all got off at that last
stop, the Hu Pan Zhe Meng (Lake Side Dreams) residential complex.


The fight continued.


I wanted to blend into the
crowd.


Yeah right.


I walked with the lady who
defended me and she smiled. Dr. Fu Ling Jekyll
 was no longer  Mr. Mu Ling Hyde.


Moral of the story?


Rú guǒ nín xī wàng yī xiē zhēn zhèng
de zhōng guó de yān huābù yào
děng dào chūn jiéHuò
dé le zài gōng gòng qì chē zhàn de zhēng chǎo zhōng
.”



Translation:
If you want some real Chinese fireworks, don’t wait for Chun Jie. Just  wait
at the bus stop.



BusSign

4 Responses to “Verbal Fireworks”

  1. Crystal Says:
    Too funny! Recently I saw the father of a pregnant lady get into a big fight over a seat that a self-proclaimed “old man” had just taken. Preg lady and her mom kept telling Dad to be quiet, but he and “old man” kept at it!
  2. Joe Andrews Says:
    Oh Ginger that was a awesome story. I was laughing so hard. I got to remember those insults.
  3. Jasna Reitz Says:
    Love it Ginger! How were you able to get all those expletives recorded and translated? You are getting good! I am going to India in a few weeks to vitist my sister… Start in Calcutta and then up to Sikkim in Gangtock…in the mountains. My first trip to “Mother India” as my sister calls it. We’ll be very close to China!
  4. Fern Marcya Edison Says:
    Ginger - I love your blog - thanks for doing this! I myself am seriously thinking about taking the TELF Institute course (maybe in Thailand) but I’m wondering how difficult (impossible?) it is for a (young at heart) single woman over 55 to actually get a job teaching English abroad? Any feedback from you would be most welcome! Keep up the great work - fun, informative reading!!

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