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02/17/12
Ode to the Weinsteins
Filed under: General
Posted by: @ 6:36 pm

P1210052


Jeff and I have probably the biggest DVD collection
is China. Since it’s bootleg, we maybe have a couple hundred bucks sunk into
it.


But if purchased in America, this same
collection would be worth… er…uh…roughly three and a half million dollars.


Which is why last week, Jeff and I finally
broke down and got a new Sony TV, lighting our home with 36 inches of LCD color.


Mind you, our previous television was a pre-flat
antique from the nineties.

Along with realizing that Bart Simpson is not
pink, we’re now able to view our DVD collection in high definition brilliance.

Which brings me to the theme of this post, the
Weinsteins.


Who are these guys, you might ask?


The Weinstein Group, or TWC, is an American film studio founded by Bob and Harvey
Weinstein. And unbeknown to Bob and Harvey,
there is someone in their multi-gazillion
dollar company with sticky fingers.
  This
sneaky, unethiccal employee will send one pristine copy of a newly released
movie to the country without copyright laws or Direct TV.


You guessed it, China.


That Weinstein weenie allows a person like me,
who is 7,894 miles away from $6 tubs of buttery popcorn and rows of red seats,
to see a movie as good as I’d see in Chicago. But there is one small caveat.
Every twenty minutes or so, the words “PROPERTY OF THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY. NOT FOR
DISTRIBUTION” will scroll across the bottom of the screen.


Almost as good as the Weinstein bootlegs, are
DVDs from our “FOR SAG VIEWING ONLY” selection.
 One recent release came with a  new and improved movie trailer for the Screen
Actors Guild board to peep.


Well, I give both the film and the trailer two
thumbs up.


Now if you don’t get a SAG or
Weinstein bootleg, you get the bad kind. There will undoubtedly be a
person standing up in the middle of the movie or giggling at an inapproriate time, as in Mission Impossible 4:Ghost Protocol. This bad bootleg his China before Tom Cruise hit the big screen in Kunming, running from bad guys in Dubai with his signature R
ock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot stride.


Last week, we watched a documentary on
bootlegging in Asia (of course on a bootlegged Asian
 DVD). The reporter risked his life in a dark
alley in Hong Kong to buy the first seven seasons of Jerry Seinfeld.


In Kunming, bootlegging –just like toddlers peeing
and women spitting–is an out in the open spectacle.
 You can watch DVD shop owners put hot copies from
the duplicating machine into cool Blue Ray tins, just like the Cinnabon® lady at a food court putting sticky buns in a box.  


And who buys all of these knowingly illegal
products?


Undercover Christians, of course!


But whoever you are at the Weinstein Company who
makes these DVDs possible, I want to thank you. I also want to thank the sticky
fingers at SAG for your undercover work. I also want to thank members of the
Academy, just because I always wanted to. 


I hope you never lose your job, ever.  If I knew your snail mail address, I’d send
you a Target Gift Card or something.   


Thank you for making life bearable in China.


If you want to copy this post, be my guest.


oscar.jpg


 

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